Screwed.edu
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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