There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
try to milk me bitch
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
