Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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