To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
