He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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