Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
