My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
