I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
