I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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