I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
