morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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