p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
