There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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