My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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