I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
