did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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