you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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