Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and she was petting her beer can
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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