How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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