Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
