the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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