He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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