apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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