i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
