wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
