i permit you to call me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
