38 yer olds are good kisserssss
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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