I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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