im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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