this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
