I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize