I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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