I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
