he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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