i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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