you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
