I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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