He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
