So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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