Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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