Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Boobs speak an international language.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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