He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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