apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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