Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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