i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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