I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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