4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
