mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
