vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
