So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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