69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
