I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
