we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
