Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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