Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
