I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
