Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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