Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
