mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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