Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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