That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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