Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
