so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
