We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
