What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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