I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
