YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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