We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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