You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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