My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
