And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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