I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
