I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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