Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
