Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
